Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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