just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no, he came in my armpit
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Couch. On fire.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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