ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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