writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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