Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
