i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
