He uses pillows to masturbate.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
