What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
