Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
