I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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