The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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