well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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