he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
