She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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