In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
