Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
