i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
