Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
