I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
