There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
