Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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