There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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