i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
