Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
