Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
