Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
