How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the condom got lost in my hair
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
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I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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