dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
