in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
