3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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