I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize