ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
