On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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