i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
