sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have fence marks all over my body
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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