Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
smell my finger.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
