A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
