a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
