I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize