hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize