thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
