i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
