You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
