Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
