its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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