apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want her autograph on my taint
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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