i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
