Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
People in love make me want to vomit
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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