He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
