Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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