when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
