just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's like iHOP with fire
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
