It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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