help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
