Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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