Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
