OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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