Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
