One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
