hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
