i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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