Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
