she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
