no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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