Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
