i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
