What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
