Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
